Emotional Eating

Jess asked an awesome question... 
Is emotional eating/wanting to eat a problem for you and if it is how do you deal with it now that you have the band?


Can I tell you the most sensational thing?  When I am restricted right, in my 'green zone' (different for everyone) I physically cannot smell foods. For example, I used to drive past McDonalds, KFC etc and I would salivate and talk myself into driving back (between meals) and just grabbing a meal deal (upsized ALWAYS cause I was about the value ;) ) 


Mr Bandit has bought fish and chips home on a couple of occassions for himself and my boys and I can't smell it. It's bizarre.  


The answer to the emotional eating is "No". To a point.  When I wasn't restricted right and I was having a day where things felt stuck I'd revert to chocolate, yoghurt etc because it slides down well and I know it won't cause an issue. When I AM restricted right, I don't have those issues or anting to eat chocky because it seems to do something to me.  


Weird. Weird. Weird.


Every now and I hear the comment "Oh god, I could never give up bread/steak etc" but the thing is, I have not missed it. At all.  I physically know I could not swallow a bite of toast, a snippet of sandwich or even rice and yet my brain just doesn't register that it misses it. 


At the start it felt like I would. When I could still get a bit of foods down and would still overeat to band standards. I'd try, for no reason, then it would get stuck and I just knew that I couldn't eat it without a big issue. 


Now, again I have to reiterate...   many people with lap bands don't live to this restriction. They wouldn't be able to stand a social life where they'd have to explain it to friends. They wouldn't want to be placed in a situation where they get stuck and spend 20 minutes in the toilet.  I totally understand that and respect that. If I had a bigger calling for eating out or travel (my friend just had some liquid removed to fly to America and I would too) then I would change my restriction too. 


My problem is - I got this way for a reason. Zero self control when it came to yummy foods. "Get some self control" you say?  My health and medical problems have been exploded into critical because of my failure to show any shred of self control over the past 25 years. So, I NEED the restriction. 


Having said all that - at the moment I haven't been able to eat food since Sunday and as of today I am having trouble with liquid. I have a shocking cold and can barely swallow without feeling like razor blades are tearing through my throat. My surgeon said sometimes with colds it can cause the band to swell so my perfect restriction has become extreme restriction. It's not fun.


Tomorrow I am heading to Melbourne to have a little bit taken out (0.3mls usually does the trick), allow for swelling to subside and get over this cold so I can go back and get back to normal again. 


I feel like I need a big plate of mushie vegies in my system to help fight this cold. 


Jess also asked...
"Has your perception of yourself changed?"


Yes Jes, it certainly has. With other 'diets' I never knew if I would succeed and get to the end goal posts. With this I feel like even if I am going slowly, I will always get to my end result. 


I am REALLY pleased I took pictures of myself in my underwear (for Facebook Group Members only)  because unlike clothed shots, I can physically see now where my body is changing. Clothes can be such an illusionary thing and angles of photos etc.  But standing in your knickers and bra in the same pose each time there is no escaping it. 


I feel like my skin is better, my shape is curvier and I am feeling sexier. I feel like this was the right time for this journey. I'm not doing it for the wrong reasons. I'm not doing it for someone else and I'm certainly not doing it for simply vanity reasons like I have in the past. So my perception of myself has changed dramatically. 


Mentally - I'm worth it. Doing something for ME now. 
Physically - I can SEE how I'm changing due to semi clothed pictures and measurements
Emotionally - I have to say goodbye to the fat girl. I'm not really her anymore. If I mentally stay in that place, I will physically stay in that place. 
Spiritually - I'm not there yet. I need to get into a quiet place where my exercise is a sanctuary. 


I hope that answered your question Jess. Thanks for asking it.


xoxoxox