a) reach out for help
b) accept help
c) accept generosity without feeling a tremendous amount of guilt
For the past few days I have had a massive knot in my stomach due to finances. To put it bluntly, I messed up.
I messed up in such a way that til late this afternoon I had no way of paying for my operation in a weeks time.
My emotions got to me this afternoon when my sister in law brought our neice around for an appointment. I burst into tears and blurted it all out. Afterwards I felt like a peanut and kept apologising. Not so much for crying in front of her but in front of the kids.
I called the doctors surgery and spoke with the Professors Assistant and she was really fantastic and said it often happens. I asked for the next available appointment with the Professor and she said May 17. I went quiet on the phone and told her to keep my appointment for 24hrs and I would find a way.
As I arrived home this evening, with Mr Bandits birthday burrito dinner, he stood on the front porch and said...
"Mum and Dad asked me to go to their house this afternoon so they could give me my birthday present"
"Dad asked about your operation and I told him that we'd have to pop it back to May 17 now because there is a delay and the money hasn't come through yet. When it does, they can operate"
"Bring the bill to me and I'll cover it"
I stood, with groceries in both hands and cried. Most of me was so relieved but I still feel like I need to prove to him that I am reliable and am not taking him for a $3950 ride.
Obviously I'm not because I can pay him back in a few weeks but I still have questioned why I am so pig headed and stubborn about asking for help.
I am blessed. His generosity has surprised me.
____________________________________________________________
This time next week, I'll be banded and lying in bed.
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18 comments:
Heck I would have done the same for my daughter-in-law. I would have even lent you the money! How wonderful though to take that worry off you... good luck with the banding, I can't wait see the new you!
I am amazed that you are making such a big step. You are a brave fabulous woman. I hope this brings you more of the wonderful things in your life that you already have. Good luck lovely lady. Will be thinking of you xx
You are very much blessed Sweetheart. I have more happy tears for you. I wish I could say more, but for some reason I just don't have words to tell you how beautiful you are. You are blessed with a beautiful family (that includes extended) and you are just a wonderful person that deserves the best out of life. Hugs xxxxx
So, so glad that the monies came through for you and I would have done the same thing for anyone in my family. Thank goodness for family!!! Stay strong.
It took me a lot of time to comment. Though I have read each and every post. More than once. Each and everyone of them.
I wont hide the fact that at first, your decision shocked me. Because I'm a new age Aquarius (my arse ;) and all that crap. Because I wish I had the guts to go ahead and fix my arms without feeling all this guilt I feel on the mere tiny consideration of cutting a bit of saggy but healthy skin out of vanity.
As if you were doing this for the same reason ...
Oh Beckster...I sincerely apologise for keeping quiet all this time. From the depths of my heart and especially from that little part that you know is yours there.
I have been a bad friend and Im ashamed that I fell into the trap of looking at your situation through my own beliefs and insecurities.
I hope you understand.
I also thank you about this post today. Because in the first 4 lines I got the little push I needed to finally express my apologies and admiration and support to you and all you decide!
I am so hard to accept and ask too... this last weekend was perhaps the toughest I have had since my world begun to collapse. And you know how bad this was when it was happening.
So i stayed in and - as we greeks say - chewed on my flesh in pain and in vain....
On Sunday, very late at night, at 1am, a very close and beloved girlfriend saw me online and msged me asking if I was awake and if she can call me. She was extremely upset and wanted to talk to someone.
At around 4 am that she had let it all out... she said that she felt I was not allright.
To cut the - too long so far - story short... she talked to me for another hour... and she was very angry with me for keeping her out.
She said something that made me realise that no matter how hard this feels... its nothing but pure unfairness.
By not asking for help or not accepting generosity, especially women like us that give it to our folks in sweet abundance, it is like we castrate their ability to be there for us and feel the fulfillment WE feel when we are there for a friend.
I have said to much. Perhaps I should have emailed you instead... But its here now and Im not taking it back.
To end this second version of Ben Hur, know that next week, I will be sending you all my energy while you take your brave first step towards health and life.
I love you.
Argy
Hooray! That deserves a happy dance... What a lovely FIL you have. :)
Honestly words can not express what I feel right now. You are so lucky to have such a wonderful and caring family. What I would give to have that in my life.
Wahoo! This is a testament to you - you are wonderful and deserving, other people can see it - you need to beleive it!
All the very best - I am so excited for you and your family! xxx
That is really wonderful & how lovely to have such support of people who obviously love and believe in you.
x
They do have big hearts, they just dont wear it on the sleave like some people do (ie me).
SO SO Glad it has worked out ok for u. xoxox
Tam
That's beautiful, just beautiful. I too have in-laws who would lay down and die for me, and i never truly appreciate them. i really should.
one week, holey moley... this is huge!
I am not surprised by this gesture, I know they are a generous and caring family. I am so happy for you. Support is so important...I know it's not right but I am envious...
My father inlaw to be almost made it 3 days without making a mean comment about my weight...but more to the point I was happy that for the first time my man said something to him in my defence...
Love to you and yours
Wonderful things DO happen to wonderful people, and like people attract like people! I know that in the same position you would do it, there is a saying ..to give anything but your best is to sacrifice the gift....
Once you have the lap band, do your very best to make it work, people may say its an easy way out...let them say it. You will be the one who knows how easy or hard it is.
Sounds like the in laws are behind you all the way...
Good for you, maybe its Karma!
Fantastic time to come to the party in laws! Woohoo. Glad it can all go ahead uninterrupted... I'll be thinking of you. Let me know if you want a visitor post-op before you go home xx
ps... argy :)
He is a generous man you father-in-law. I thank him too. My beautiful neice is suffering with ill health and I want her around for years to come. Thanks to the wonderful in-laws and obviously your wonderful sister-in-law for telling them of your situation. xxxxx to you all
I fully get this and your statement. I know deep down in my heart I couldn't have taken the money at all. Not even if it were my own Dad. I would have felt guilty forever. I don't know why, just as u don't know why. Maybe it's something in the water?!? But I am glad that u have found it within you and that your inlaws can afford it! Awesome : ) And Argy, gorgeous, gorgeous words - straight from the heart XOX
You are a very lucky girl.. and obviously loved very much.
{{{HUGS}}}
That is wonderful - it is amazing the lengths that people who really love you will go to. I paid for my op through my super but my sis also offered me the money in case I wanted to do it earlier. I didn't accept but the offer warmed my heart. :-)
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xox