"What excuse can I come up with to drive downtown and buy something to eat?"
"If I just have another peice of fruit - it won't hurt"
"Who is going to know if I cheat a little and eat some carbs?"
I have not gone through with anything and can proudly say I have not put anything in my mouth that hasn't bee on the Optifast allowed list. I've clocked up 7.8kgs loss and it hasn't been a week yet.
Even speaking with a friend two days ago he said "So have you snuck food yet?" "No". "Sure".
Normally, on any other diet - I would have. I'm human and my hunger has been off the charts. I just can't justify it. All that keeps running through my head is my health issues that can be fatal if I choose the wrong option.
"Yeah, but we could be hit by a bus tomorrow".
Something I haven't told you was that I was pleased I had no one with me on my drive to Melbourne last Tuesday to see Prof. O'Brien. I needed to process all the information he told me about my current health situation. I needed to cry & feel every bit of feeling I needed to. If I had someone in the car I would have smiled and said "No, you are absolutely right - this ~is~ a positive thing".
I needed to just feel and process.
The biggest thought in my head was "If I die, right now, through my choice to have a Double Quarter Pounder Meal Deal, Upgraded with a Diet Coke (seriously?) what happens to my family?"
Straight away, the immediate implications are - my eldest son would go with his dad and my youngest with Mr Bandit. Immediately my sons are split up (ex & Mr Bandit aren't overly fond of each other). I'd HATE that. Two little boys would grow up seperate from each other. Devastating.
My children would grow up with no mother. They need their mummy.
I would leave my beautiful new husband alone. To raise a child and work full time. Alone. Devastating.
I'd leave behind unfinished business. So much in my life that I'm not ready to let go of and say goodbye to. Most importantly - my immediate family and my friends.
So when I hear the voices in my head that say "What excuse can we give Mr Bandit so we can leave the house and buy something calorie laden to eat" I just cannot give in. For the first time in my life, I have medical evidence that it will happen if I don't stop eating shit.
I'm not ready to die because of reasons that are preventable. Are you?
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12 comments:
Well done you - as you say this is a serious business and deserves all the attention you can give it - mind you none of that makes it any easier to resist 'the callings' so feel proud of yourself for doing just that. Zxx
Hang in there - the Optifast diet is hard but the results will be worth it.
I'm a fellow Aussie mum and I too am doing this for my boys. THEY are worth it :-)
http://shesaworkinprogress-workinprogress.blogspot.com/ (nerolid)
Absolutely 100% on the money. You need to get you well, you are loved and needed. The alternative is beyond imagination. You will get through this (probably about 20 kilos lighter) and have your lapband. You know you are also dealing with losing your identity and becoming a new person. It finally is REAL that you will change and that in itself is mind blowing. I know an extra bit of fruit will not affect this but it will affect your perception of what you are doing.
You can do this :)
Nope you cannot give in. You dont want to risk the surgeon saying he cant operate because you broke the diet too many times.
You CAN do it!!!
xoxo
I chose to live, rather than die young too. OK maybe 55 is old to many but not to me. I want to cuddle my grandkids when and if they come. You will discover a whole lot of mind-blowing insight over the next few weeks. This one was a doozy. Make sure you read it every time you start to falter in your decision. And don't blame yourself if you do have a small detour with food every once in a while. We are all human and honestly, perfection is overrated. Just doing your best, one day at a time will get you to the finish.
My Surgeon gives us the book from Dr. O'Brien and it is really is good. He sounds fab. I wish I could meet him as he seems to get that we need help. Gotta go have surgery now, so have a great day!
Wheeewww. Well done. It would be hard for me to do the shakes 3 times a day etc etc.
Well done for thinking about what is important to you.
I can totally relate to the inner voice that tells you stuff. I don't have it as strongly now but I still can justify why I need a bag of fantales and eat the lot.
Sometimes I just laugh at myself at the ridiculousness of my self talk!!!
I feel lousy at the moment - got to pull it back together again. I know I have said it a million times but this is now my reality and hey it is good. A good reality. It is like a muscle. The more times I exercise this muscle the stronger and easier it becomes to use the muscle. I am still surprised I have found this muscle after all these years!!! I don't want to dwell on the 'why did it take me so long' cause that just brings up saddness of time lost. All I have is the now.
Fantasic effort for this moment in time Bandit. Love you Jan
Oh love, so proud of you.
Don't underestimate what you're doing. This is fucking huge. You are making such great progress.
Amazing efforts. This is hard and you're totally doing it *clapping* yay! Woohoo.
Keep up the great work - we all believe in you! K xx
Hey, I personally found the whole optifast part the hardest. they is saying something considering ive been banded 2 years and had to have corrective surgery. I was like addict coming off drugs. I realised than and there how much i used food to cover emotions . my poor husband got to meet a very erractic women. but its so worth it, its makes the liquid soft food phase easier i believe. all the best
You are doing so well, both on the weightloss and staying strong, well done you :)
Mr. Bandit here...
I believe in you.
Keep up the good work, don't forget the big picture.
xoxoxoxoxo
Like I've said previously, you are one of the strongest women I know. Your strength makes me weep. xxxxxx
Keep up the good work hun! You are doing SO well!
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